Doubts

Starting today i was watching annime, and saw some touching scenes in it. 2 in particular caught my interest, one was where you got to know a cute and innocent little character. How seamlessly the character was defined through just a handful of scenes where she spent a day with some guy, it was just a few minutes, but enough to get you to sympathize with her. Then the other scene was that characters quite dramatic death, that quite honestly brought me to tears. :'(

But i stopped to think "Wow, this is good, can i really pull something like this off?" when the character got introduced, all the emotions defined... it's kind of hard to explain what i mean with words. Then her tragic death "Can i really do something like this?" <- could i really write a story well enough so that the reader will love it, love a character, and then cry or at least feel sad when that character dies?

Am i really good enough to create what i intend to?

This is a question i imagine plagues most writers, game designers and similar people at some point. They'll doubt themselves... They'll doubt their stories or games... This is happening to me, quite early now, and imagine combining these feels with a flow of negative feedback (i predicted this so that's why i didn't announce anything yet) and it could very easily push one off a cliff and make them just stop working on whatever it is they're striving for.

Then there's also the feeling that now that i have an artist working with me as a (at least for now) concept artist, and i also think how bad it would feel if i'd let him down either by creating some mediocre or bad game/story and even worse, if i'd just give up!

But i take this as a good sign, it means i'm neither cocky nor stupid enough to think what i'm trying to do is going to be easy. I won't succeed unless i give it all I've got, and all I've got is what i intend to give. Still, it's not easy to overcome these feelings of doubt, sure that's what compliments are for but... It's way too early to go fishing for those.

I didn't really sleep well tonight so as a result i was pretty tired today. And these feelings i just talked about aren't exactly motivating me to continue. But luckily enough i had an appointment with a psychiatrist of sorts today and got a chance to discuss it with someone educated, she thought it was interested, and as always she managed to motivate me again with (you guessed it!) excessive complimenting.

I played a game from my artist, a short rock paper scissor game, although i didn't like the game very much, i loved the art style! i think he's talented, at least when it comes to drawing moe lolis :3

But unless he can darken it up a whole lot it won't be suitable for Yrja's Torment, however it should work out with Riye's game... The problem with that is that programming-wise i'm not ready for that project, although i can get my hands on a functional dungeon crawling system for free without doing much work myself for it, theres a whole lot more work that needs to be done, and my intiial plan was to make the first game a standard VN just to get used to Ren'Py's syntax

Sadly again i didn't do much work today either, i seem to have lost focus, "what is my next step" and "how will i do it" is sort of blurred, but today was still productive because i feel like i'm getting closer, i'm more fired up now and it's building up, hopefully tomorrow i can rush in head first at full speed and work with dedication all day, i most probably will if i won't be tired like i was today (i only got 3 hours of sleep last night =_=)

Even if i didn't do anything significant, i created a sort of basic background for the villain of Yrja's Torment... to give him a reason for his wickedness.